Finding Comfort
by Emrys MK
Summary: Ron and Remus help each other cope after losing the most important people in their lives. This is very depressing. Two major character deaths are mentioned.


**Finding Comfort**

**Date Written**:February 11, 2005

**Disclaimer**: None of this belongs to me. It is owned by the great JK Rowling, Bloomsbury books, Scholastic Books, Warner Bros, and other entities, but not me!!!!

Ron sat by himself, staring straight ahead. He could hear people talking around him, and he could see them passing by, giving him consolatory glances, but he couldn't be bothered to acknowledge them. Closing his eyes, he put his head in his hands and wished for it all to stop.

Some time later, after the voices had diminished and after the shadows ceased moving around him, Ron felt someone put their hand on his shoulder. _Go away. _The hand remained, but no words were spoken. Wiping his eyes, the frustrated and exhausted redhead lifted his head and slowly turned to see who was invading his space.

_Remus _

Ron briefly met his former professor's eyes, but just as quickly, turned away: if the eighteen year-old thought he was distraught, he knew Remus must be dying inside. He didn't know what to say, just as no one had known what to say to him. Feeling the pressure on his shoulder increasing, the youngest Weasley son looked up to see Remus beginning to shake. There were no tears falling down his face and he didn't look like he was about to cry, but his body was unmistakably trembling.

_Remus_

Ron carefully stood and turned towards Remus. He had received no comfort out of this day, only more pain, and he knew it had been the same for Remus, who now stood before him, seconds away from completely losing control. "It's okay, Remus, you can cry. Everybody's gone. It's just you and me."

Ron caught Remus as he began to fall, and sat them both down on the bench. "Let it out." Ron then brought the man's head and placed it on his shoulder, and rubbed circles on Remus's shaking back. He could hear the sobs as they grew louder, but his sobs were nowhere to be found. Unlike his former professor, Ron had been crying all day. In fact, he had been crying for five days… nonstop. Five days was not a long time – not really, but it was an eternity when your two best friends were here five days ago, but weren't here today.

Five days… it wasn't enough… he had said goodbye, hadn't he? He had watched as the beautiful eyes of his girlfriend had been closed forever… had listened to the girl he loved live her last second on earth, had listened to her rasping out her goodbye. He had said goodbye to Hermione… hadn't he?

He had held his best friend as he fell; he had watched the green eyes looking at him sadly as the breath slowly left. He had told his friend it was alright… that everyone would be fine. He had told Harry goodbye… hadn't he?

No, that hadn't been goodbye. Today was goodbye. Today was putting them in the ground. Today was forever closing their sweet faces off from everyone who loved them. Today was final. Five days ago, his two best friends said goodbye. Today, he had said goodbye.

Ron opened his eyes when Remus cleared his throat, backed away and tried to compose himself.

"I should go."

Ron shook his head. "You shouldn't be alone, Remus." Remus half laughed, half cried.

"No, I shouldn't be alone, should I? Harry should be here with me, as he always has been when I needed him, but I guess that is not possible anymore. I'll be fine, Ron, honestly."

"Remus, you're not fine. I've watched you for five days, and not once until a couple of minutes ago, did you cry. You've been walking around like a zombie. I know you're hurting; I'm hurting too."

"Yes, I am hurting, Ron. What do you propose we do about that? Shall I go to sleep? Will that help me? Shall I think of the good times? Will that help me? Tell me, what am I supposed to do? You know, he told me he thought he was going to die, but I didn't believe him… didn't believe he was mortal… didn't believe Merlin could ever be so cruel as to take away the one thing I loved more than life itself. How could he do that, Ron? What am I supposed to do now? I do not know how to make it through without him. I don't know how I have made it through these past five days."

Ron lifted Remus's chin and looked into his eyes. "You can do this, Remus. I will help you. You won't be alone."

"How do you do it? You seem so strong."

Ron laughed aloud. "I guess it helps having so many people around who refuse to leave me alone for a second."

"I wouldn't know about that. My only family is dead. First Sirius, and now Harry. I'm alone now, Ron, and I am so scared."

Ron shook his head. "We need to get you home and in bed. You look like you are about to pass out."

Ron practically carried Remus to the Apparition point, then Apparated them to Grimmauld Place. Walking in the front hall, he met his mother and father, who smiled sadly at the two.

"Ron, don't leave him alone."

"Don't worry, Mum; I don't intend on leaving him." Ron slowly walked up the two flights of stairs and made his way into Remus and Harry's bedroom… Remus's bedroom now. Lighting the torches, Ron turned back the covers and lowered the man onto the bed before taking off his shoes.

Remus was staring ahead, no expression evident on his face, or perhaps the look was one of shock. Ron covered the catatonic-looking man then waved his wand over himself, and was immediately dressed in a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. Getting under the covers, he turned and put his arms around the still staring Remus. He stayed awake for hours listening to the breathing and intermittent gasps of the shaking man, and only fell asleep when Remus's breathing had evened off.

The next morning, Ron opened his eyes and panicked momentarily when he saw that Remus was not in the bed, but then calmed when he saw him looking out the window. Getting out of bed, he walked over and looked out the window to see the sunrise. It was beautiful. Looking at Remus, Ron remembered that this time of the morning was a moment that was usually shared by Remus and Harry. Remus had tear streaks down his cheeks, and his fingers had turned white from grasping the windowsill.

Ron felt like he was intruding, but couldn't pull himself away. Remus looked so lost, and Ron knew it wasn't just a look. He knew he really was lost.

Harry and Remus had been together since the beginning of seventh year, and even as they had to keep their relationship a secret from most people, it was obvious the two were very much in love. Ron hadn't ever believed in such a thing as loving someone too much – how was that even possible – but right now, looking at the desolate Remus Lupin, he thought that perhaps Remus had loved Harry too much. Harry had been Remus's everything, and that wasn't at all an exaggeration.

Ron was still completely lost without Hermione; his future had died with her, and he knew it was going to be the hardest thing he had ever done, living without her, but he had the support of his family to help him through. He also had Quidditch – he had been offered huge amounts of Galleons to play for several teams, but hadn't decided yet on which team he wanted to play for, and now he wasn't sure if he truly wanted to play. Madam Hooch had retired six months earlier and had told him the job was his if he wanted it. He now thought he wanted it, and he knew he needed it.

He also had Dean, Seamus and Neville, and his closest friend other than Harry and Hermione, Draco. The Slytherin and him had become almost inseparable, and on more than a few occasions, others had thought they'd been lovers. Ron always laughed, but knew that if not for Hermione, Draco would be the one who Ron wanted to spend the rest of his life with. The boy made him laugh, and he made Draco laugh.

Raising his head, Ron watched Remus silently mouthing something to the rising sun. It was too much for Ron. He broke into sobs and fell to the floor.

Hands wrapped themselves around Ron and picked him up, and carried him to the bed. Ron felt himself placed under the covers and felt the other man as he wrapped himself around him. Ron continued to cry, but said nothing, eventually falling asleep.

When Ron next woke, he was facing a sleeping Remus. The man looked so peaceful; no worry lines or wrinkles pervaded his face in sleep, and no tension filled his brows. He seemed so small, and he was, compared to Ron, who was vastly taller, and bigger than the thin, frail Remus. Taking one of his hands, he gently moved a bit of hair out of the sleeping man's eyes. Remus shifted slightly, moving closer to him.

"Harry."

Ron took a deep breath.

"Harry."

Ron felt the tears beginning to form. _He's not here, Remus._

Suddenly the smaller man tensed and sat up as he gasped, then his entire face morphed into a huge frown before the man shook his head and screamed out, "Harry."

Ron didn't know what to do. Should he comfort the man? Should he remain quiet? He needed to get his mother. Remus looked ill.

But before he could do anything, Remus looked over to him as he wiped his tears away. "He isn't coming back, is he?"

Ron shook his head. "No Remus, he isn't. He and Hermione are gone."

"What am I going to do, Ron?"

Ron shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. All we can do is try to live our lives how they would want us to I guess." Ron watched as Remus looked blankly at him.

"I don't want to live if Harry is not here to live with me."

Ron knew the man was speaking the truth, and he also knew the man would do something about it if given the opportunity. Without even thinking, he sat up and cupped the man's face in his and kissed the unsuspecting trembling man. Pulling away a few seconds later, he himself was shaking. "I will not lose you, too, Remus." He then kissed the man again, this time asking entrance into the warm mouth of his stiff partner. He would give this man a reason to live. He knew he wasn't Harry…knew he would never replace him… knew the man he was currently kissing would never love him like he loved Harry. But Ron also knew he would never love this man like he loved Hermione. No one could ever replace his one true love, just as no one could ever replace Harry, but Ron refused to see anyone else leave him; he had lost enough.

"You'll live, Remus. I won't let you die. Please don't die, Remus. Please don't leave me. I can't lose you, too."

Ron felt arms wrapping around him and felt as his head was brought down to lie on the other man's chest.

"I won't leave you, Ron, I promise."

Ron squeezed his eyes shut and tried to rein in his sobs. Then he heard a raspy voiced Remus.

"Thank you."

Then Ron felt Remus kiss him, and opened his eyes to see a tear streaked face, tears still falling. "You're welcome."


End file.
